Almost 2 years out of University and 3 years of working PT/freelance and traveling. And life sured changed a a lot for me this year. Everything came crashing down on me this year...If I were to put it positively, I'd say life is throwing me challenges to toughen me up for the next phase of my life.

Oh well, whatever it is , it is like my second quarter life crisis. Quarter life crisis all over again. Just that this is much more serious than the first one, especially with the clock ticking faster than ever these days.

First adult heartbreak, end of my carefree traveling-spree days. I am now an official adult with a 'real' job, real responsibilities and finally saving up for the future. Okay, maybe just saving to move out. Everything changed so much in a year and I practically just jumped off the edge into this whirpool of workload. I have entered the robotic zone where I somehow realized that being independent and financially stable is utmost important now that I actually work abt 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. And give tuition for the entire day on Saturdays. I could have never imagine a life so routine and busy just a few months back. Teaching at my own timing and traveling whenever I am free were 2 of the best things I have done in my 20s. But I guess no matter how sad my new life seems, it was ME who chose this path. And I am actually happy about it. Hopeful at least. 

I have entered a new phase in life where I just want something more stable, a goal and a future to work for. I have always wanted that as a child, but I lost my way somewhere along 'growing up'. You see there is a difference between having a job or going to school just for the sake of it and having something to work towards....towards a life you want for yourself...and nobody else. There is a difference between living and surviving. And I am right smacked in between those two. But at least I am going somewhere...

I am still a wanderer. Wanderlust never left me. But I guess I plan more than before because I acknowledge that whatever choices I make in the present will affect my future. Doing things just for the present was good for a while but it doesn't satisfy me now. Hanging out with meaningless people who do not really care for me is just not appealing. Aimless and empty activities are even more so a waste of time now at this stage of life. Partying and drinking almost seem like living in denial, something I do just to avoid reality. I love to drink and dance sometimes but the old lifestyle I had for more than a year is finally wearing me out. I want something real, something I can come home to everyday. Things, people and activities that make me feel good about myself. I want to grow, and grow a lot more this time. I want to come home after work everyday and watch a movie, read a book, blog, write or listen to some soothing music...maybe a personal spa treatment or aroma therapy. Exercise when I can. Eat well, live right. I am not perfect and I will never be.. Hell, I don't ever wanna be perfect! Perfect is boring and unrealistic. There is a difference between perfection and being a perfectionist. I thinkI am quite a perfectionist when it comes to things I care about but I am not perfect. I just wanna be the best person I can be for myself and my loved ones during each phase of my life. I know that nothing ever stays the same in this life or this world. One of the greatest lessons I have learned so far is that the tides WILL ALWAYS turn. Be stable, be sure but never be complacent or too comfortable or attached...cuz when someone gets hurt, you will be the one getting burned.

But growing up is inevitable. There comes a time when you have to face yourself and your problems right in the face and say,  'Yeah, I'm here. What's up? I ain't going anywhere, I will work through these problems and move forward. ' Then boom! Shit happens way too fast, you chose to be responsible but you have NO freaking idea what that encompasses. But there ain't no backing out now, You...I really mean I...have entered this new elite club and I am just gonna have to tough life out. But now that I am slowly getting the hang of my new lifestyle, I think I am different. I am a different happy...happy not because I am having adrenaline rushes or day dreaming. But happy because finally all those years spent in school seem to have a productive future. It seems like I am finally reaping what I sow and working towards a real future..a personal future void of family and friends. I don't mean I am cutting them out of my life...but finally I am doing something for myself by myself. And if all goes well, these people can also reap what I sow. Free loving here!